Every so often I go on this rollercoaster.
I’ve had God knows how many conversations with my parents. I’ve talked to careers advisors, I’ve talked to tutors, I’ve talked to business consultant/advisors?
FIDÈLE Photography was birthed about a year ago. Before that it was called apeironphotography, and I didn’t really have plans for it then. I didn’t see myself a year down the line with a logo, business cards, a website and a banner. This was never part of the plan. My parents suggested it and then I ran with it and then I stopped.
I stopped. I quit. There’s no other way to put it.
My parents are annoyed with me. I’m annoyed with me. Call it laziness, call it whatever but I know somewhere along the line something got drained out of me.
I lost my drive, my fuel. It went. And why?
I was finding myself in situations I didn’t like. I was trying to be nice and trying to be a “business woman“. I was trying to keep a float of the social media, building and maintaining of my websites, creating my websites, being a perfectionist, getting shoots done, talking to potential clients, being professional. And then I wasn’t doing enough, and then I was pressing slow, and then I was just getting irritated with all things photography. I was taking forever, intentionally, to complete a job that wouldn’t even take a week for me to complete.
I lost faith in myself and my work. I didn’t think my stuff was that good, I didn’t know how to put value on myself and my work.
I’m a private person, I didn’t know, and still don’t know, how to sell my services to people; to even tell them that this is what I do.
I was on the phone with my father and it was another conversation of, what’s the plan? And I’m like I don’t have no plan. And then intermittent sighs.
And then I watched my promo, like literally five minutes before typing this, and I looked at the stuff and I was like that’s me. All of this is me:
The video, the editing, the design, the logo, the content, even this photo above this post! That’s all me and I did that. And I just thought to myself, what excuse do I have? Why do I keep letting these little things knock me down? When did I become so fragile? I have every right to shout on the rooftops, that this is what I do and I’m good at it and I’m getting better. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that at all.