I have spent more hours in front of my laptop than I have behind the camera. And I’ve probably spent more time in front of the camera than I have behind it. And if you know me know me, you will understand that this is a rare occurrence.
I’ve had to dig up my glasses because my head was feeling like Goliath was crushing it in his hands because I have been spending so much time in front of a screen.
I have two apps to manage all the things I need to do or want to do and I charge my phone multiple times during the day now because it dies so much more frequently.
I have three notebooks, a whiteboard and a lot of sticky notes, alongside the two apps I mentioned, to remind myself of things and jot down ideas. I’ve got things I’m currently working on, things I want to work on and things that I need to work on and things that I don’t know when it’s best to tell people that it’s coming soon.
If Pinterest accounts could reach a limit of pins I would have reached mine last month.
YouTube has inevitably become my homepage. I’m sure I can type the word “tutorials” and “Final Cut Pro X” into a search bar if I were blind.
e-mails. Messenger. WhatsApp. phone calls. texts. e-mails.
I told my mum the other day that I finally understand what is meant by not taking your work home with you because now I’m constantly thinking of how I want to change something or try something new or find inspiration. The times when I would usually zone out and daydream has morphed into times where I think about whether I need to download some more sans serif fonts.
And honestly, this post isn’t for you. It isn’t for a group of people, it isn’t for individuals, it isn’t for teens or adults, it’s for me. It’s a very long note to myself. Some form of comfort. An opportunity for myself. Some reassurance. The ticket to allow me to be.
I am not being pretentious. I am not a fraud. I do not “need to find a job“. All these things I’ve mentioned prior count and contribute towards a working life and I am working. This. is. work.
I’ve personally always struggled with specific labels because I always felt like I needed more receipts, more evidence, more proof that I am that label. Maybe it’s so that other people couldn’t contend it with me or maybe it’s just so that it could become more real to me but I’ve realised that if I don’t start calling myself the things I want to be or the things I am and believing it then no one else is going to do so. It needs to be real to me before it can be real to anyone else and I have to start somewhere.
I’ve always said how people do not see the work that goes on behind the end product. You see a million followers but you don’t see the million and one sleepless nights.
It’s weird too because people so quickly overlook other’s beginnings, those times when barely anyone knew them or knew what they were doing.
“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin,” – Zechariah 4:10
Therefore, I am proud to announce that I finally feel comfortable enough to call myself a creative. And you can call me one too.
photo credit: me.